Bunny Tales
by Miss Maggie
Summary: Tina finds a rabbit. Artie helps her take care of it. Hilarity and unusual allusions to co-parenting ensue. Artie/Tina.


**Author's Note:** Just a little one-shot from me. School and work are kicking me upside the head, so there hasn't been as much time for writing lately. I know, I'm sad about it too. :( This fic started as a plot bunny about a bunny. Yes. I know.

* * *

"Artie," I whine into my cell phone, not caring in the slightest that I sound like a panicked two-year old, "there is a rabbit on my driveway. A rabbit. A _R-A-B-B-I-T_."

"I know what a rabbit is, Tee," he says, chuckling into the phone. "What's the problem?"

"I don't know how to take care of a rabbit!" I hiss. "I had a hamster when I was ten and it ran away, and I _killed_ all my goldfish, and _get over here and help me figure out what to do with this rabbit, ARTIE."_

"I'll be over in ten," he replies, finally catching on to the panic in my tone.

I snap my phone shut and turn to stare at the cardboard box, which I've managed to drag into the kitchen. The bunny is solid white, with a pretty pink nose and tall, upright ears. I try to remain calm, reminding myself that Artie will be here to help me soon, and I can keep the rabbit safe and not murder it in only fifteen minutes. I hope. Even I know a cardboard box isn't a good home for a rabbit, so I rummage around the garage, but unfortunately, all I can find is my old hamster cage, which is also probably not suitable.

Luckily, before I can start panicking about this recent new development, I hear Artie wheeling up to me, and I'm so grateful that we live close to each other. "Help!"

"How'd you manage to get a rabbit, Tee?" He's rolling into my garage, and I lift up the cardboard box so he can see the fuzzy white rabbit inside.

I shrug my shoulders, feeling helpless. "I don't know! I mean, it was just ...there! In this box on my driveway when I got home this afternoon. Somebody dumped a rabbit on my driveway."

Artie gives the rabbit a friendly pat on the head, and she seems receptive to the touch. "So, you'll give it a good home."

"But it's a rabbit," I whine. "I'm not _good_ with animals, and now I wind up with a rabbit! They're even more work, but I just can't leave the poor thing outside but I don't have a cage and I don't know what to feed her and what if I screw this up?"

"Tee. Tina." Artie's voice is firm, but sympathetic, and I pause mid-ramble. "I'll help you take care of it. We can go to a bookstore or go online to find out what to feed her, and we'll get her to a vet, and it will be fine. We can go to a pet store tomorrow to get toys and a new cage and stuff. Plus, I'll come over and help you exercise her after school."

"Really?" I give him a hopeful look, and when he smiles at me, I give a cautious one in return. "Okay, you've got to help me with this."

"Sure thing." Artie pulls the rabbit out of the box, letting her curl up on his lap. "How do you know the bunny is a she?"

"It seemed to make sense at the time." I shrug and gives the bunny a pat on the head. "I guess we should give her a name."

Artie looks me dead in the eye. "Michelle."

"You've named her already?" I'm taken by surprise.

"Yeah." Artie casts his gaze downward and looks embarrassed. "That's okay, right? She kind of looks like a Michelle to me."

"From the Beatles song, right?" I start humming it, trying the name and the song on for size. "I think it suits her. Good choice, Artie."

Artie looks up at me, although he's still faintly red. "Well, I'm glad you approve."

"It's my middle name, Artie. I'm contractually obligated to approve of things named after me in a roundabout way." I give Michelle a pat on the head, scratching between her between her ears softly.

"I didn't know that was your middle name." Artie looks a little embarrassed now, and kind of intrigued.

"You learn something new every day," I reply glibly, not bothered by Michelle's name in connection to my own in the slightest. I cuddle her up to me before speaking again. "So, what are we going to feed this bunnything?"

"Lettuce should be okay for the night, right?" Artie asks, thoughtful. "Or you can call one of your parents and ask them to bring something home? And water. She'll need water. I guess she'll be all right in the box for the night, and maybe you could get her an old towel or a blanket to keep her cozy," suggested Artie helpfully. "Or maybe she can just stay in my lap. I think Michelle might have fallen asleep."

I glance at him curiously, obviously amused. "I did call my dad, and he seems okay with the bunny. My mom's said she'd get veggies for her at the grocery store, especially since she _promised_ to go after work today. But you seem oddly attached to her already. Maybe Michelle should go home and stay with you?"

"No, Tee. The bunny landed in your house, so you can keep her." Artie gives Michelle a friendly, yet gentle pat. "But I'll be a frequent visitor."

"It's only four," I reply, checking the time on my cell phone. "Can we go to the bookstore now? Or the petshop? I'd feel better if we got her settled in tonight."

"Sounds like somebody's getting attached," says Artie smugly. "Sure, we can go if you want. You've got to drive though, Tee."

"You're going to have to put the bunny back in the box," I remark, matter-of-factly. "She can't come with us."

Artie gestures for me to lean over. When I oblige him, he takes my hat from the top of my head, before smiling at me and tucking Michelle into the purple knit cap.

"Hey!" I'm trying very hard to look annoyed, but overall, not doing a very good job of it. It's very hard to look mad when I'm smiling. So instead, I fluff my hands through my hair in a half-hearted attempt to tame it. "I _liked_ that hat."

"Well, you've got a rabbit in a hat now," he says obligingly. "She can come along like this, and sit in my lap in your car. We can't leave her here now, can we?"

I roll my eyes indulgently, bit I'm still smiling, even as I'm rolling Artie over to my car. "I'll hold Michelle until you're settled in."

Together, the three of us make it to the pet store, where I hold the bunny carefully in my arms and try not to look too amused at the way Artie is discussing the merits of what rabbit hutch to get with the store clerk. He looks so very serious, like it's a matter of life or death. When I catch myself staring, I blush and try to focus on the different brands of rabbit food laid out in front of me. "What food is good for rabbits like you, Michelle?" I ask, curiously.

"You know she won't talk back," replies Artie with a smirk, wheeling up behind me. "But it's nice to see you're involving her in the process."

"Shut up," I reply, without any heat. "Did you find a cage? It looked like the debate was getting pretty heated up there."

Now Artie's the one looking a little startled. "You saw that?"

"Most of it," I reply, handing Michelle over to him. "So, what's left to get? Toys, and they'd probably have a rabbit care manual here, right?"

"A whole display of them." Artie gestures toward the rack near the register. "I know you're just itching to see which one is the most highly-rated."

I attempt to look offended, but ultimately can't. "Shut up," I say again. "Go find some toys for Michelle. Rabbits like to chew."

He holds out three toys and a bag of treats in front of me. "Already there, Tee." He smiles cheekily at me. "While you were bonding with Michelle, I was being productive."

"You were arguing with the salesclerk," I reply with a good-natured sigh. "I like this book, I think. It looks pretty detailed, but easy to understand, and oh! Rabbits need to go to a special vet. Did you know that they're considered exotic?"

Artie laughs at my sudden interest. "I thought you were worried about taking care of this rabbit, Tee."

"Well, not so much now," I explain shyly. "Now that you're helping me, I think it's going to be all right. I know the two of us can handle it."

Now, I'm turning pink, and Artie's ears are pretty red. He coughs, then reaches out to scratch Michelle's ears. "Come on, let's go pay for this stuff and get her settled into her new home."

I shake my head and give him a nervous smile. "Thanks, Artie. For helping me take care of her and all that stuff."

"What was I supposed to do?" questions Artie. "Let you panic? You sounded pretty terrified on the phone earlier. But you're welcome."

I beam and him and hand over Michelle so I can get all of her stuff loaded into the backseat of my car. When all that's settled, I take the rabbit back so Artie can load himself into my car, and then (for a final time), the rabbit exchanges hands once more so I can load his chair into my trunk.

"I think she might be getting overwhelmed," comments Artie, even as he's cuddling her (she's still wrapped up snugly in my hat). "Or at least well-traveled."

"Ha, ha," is my dry reply.

I give the rabbit a pat on the head, then carefully negotiate my blue Beetle out of the pet store's parking lot. My driving still leaves a lot to be desired, so I'm cautious to a fault as I lead the three of us back to my house (even as I'm rolling my eyes at the pair of them in the passenger seat). When we finally arrive back at my place, Artie and I play Musical Rabbit again. But before too long, Artie's got the rabbit in his lap as he's wheeling into my house, and I'm carrying the billions of things Artie and I decided that Michelle desperately needed for a happy life. (Okay, so we _might_have gone a bit overboard. Too late now.)

Artie gently takes the rabbit from the hat (yes, I went there, shut up), tossing my cap into the laundry hamper before cuddling Michelle up to him carefully. I take a moment to mourn the lack of a camera (seriously, it's adorable), before belatedly realizing my cell phone has one. A manically cheerful expression crosses over my features as I take pictures of the pair of them. I manage to take a couple shots before Artie realizes what I'm doing.

He frowns at me. "Tee."

"It's not like I'm going to post it anywhere!" I protest, snapping more pictures. "They're sweet, Artie. Come on, please?" He relents, still pouting at me. I take one final picture and put my phone away.

Artie relaxes the minute the camera's out of sight. "Promise me you won't post them anywhere?"

I give a solemn nod. "Absolutely promise."

He seems appeased and relaxes, cuddling Michelle again softly. I leave the two of them be and start setting up a space for her in the kitchen. I'm humming to myself while I work, fixing up Michelle's cozy new home. Before long, it's ready. I'm setting a dish of water into the cage when I hear Artie wheeling up behind me. "I think she's sleepy," he says.

"Well, I think I'm just about done here." Artie hands Michelle over to me, and I slip her into the cage carefully, then close the door, leaving her to explore her new home. "Thanks again for being awesome, Artie."

"I do try." Artie gestures toward his lap, and without hesitating, I climb up into it. "Feeling better now, Tee?"

I nod. "Like I said before, we'll ace this tag-team stuff in regards to rabbit care. Plus it means you'll hang out over here more. That's always fun."

"Wanna watch a movie until your mom gets home with the fresh veggies for Michelle?" Artie asks me after a moment.

"That sounds great," I reply honestly. "Is _The Corpse Bride_okay?"

"I'm willing to indulge your obsession with Tim Burton today," says Artie. "Now come on, let's go watch."

I grin and go set up the movie. We settle in on the sofa, but I'm sort of watching the movie and keeping an eye on the hutch in the kitchen. Artie's doing the exact same thing, so I decide not to comment on it. But who knows, maybe having a rabbit as a pet isn't such a bad idea after all. Especially when I have my best friend helping me take care of her.


End file.
